I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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