I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
