The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
