You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
