You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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