It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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