Duck Duck Cougar?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
