he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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