It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
