Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize