Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
