Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
