Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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