Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
