My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
