I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
