We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
