I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
