Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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