i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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