We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Blood and glitter go together right?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
