im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
