So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
