Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What drink are we having for lunch?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
