He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
