My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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