All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
