Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
