can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
