so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
