It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
