I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
