Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
