I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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