u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
