he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
