I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
