I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Blood and glitter go together right?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
