woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
