I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize