So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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