We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
