oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize