this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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