I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
