No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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