i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
