i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
