just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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