Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize