this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
