OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
