remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
