One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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