I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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