i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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