Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
