1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
