so that wasnt chicken after all
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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