i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize