She's JV to your varsity
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I could fuck to npr.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
