drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
