I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
