were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize