Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You took a bar mat shot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
