At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
