Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
