Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
