Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The best revenge is premature balding
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
