just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
