so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
