so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
