btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found puke in my bra..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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