I didn't shave. On purpose
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
